This Puffy-Roofed BMW 760Li Is an Armored Limo Fit for a Pixar Villain

Cars in Pixar movies have such a distinctive look that they’re pretty much all I can evoke when I see anything with a lifted roof. It’s a cute caricature on something like a mail truck, but seeing it done to an armored 2004 BMW 760Li High Security gives me pause. Not just because it looks like me when I don’t hide my Delaware-sized forehead, but because I wonder what kind of cartoon villain is riding in back.

Listed for sale by VPS Motors, an armored vehicle constructor and broker, this Megamind-lookin’ limo is one of BMW‘s factory armored 7 Series, coded E67. They were designed to meet Europe’s highest standard for bulletproofing at the time, B7, which means they’re resistant to high-velocity, armor-piercing rifle rounds according to Armormax. To put that into perspective, the allegedly 9mm Parabellum-proof Tesla Cybertruck would only achieve a B4 rating at the highest. These things are more than bulletproof; they’re assault-resistant to a degree you only understand by reading through their feature lists.

That starts with multiple layers of laminated, ballistic-glazed glass windows, backed by polycarbonate for shatter resistance. They can open partway, too. If it’s not safe to open them, the car has an onboard emergency fresh air system, while the windshield can be deliberately blown out from the inside to use as an exit. It has automated fire suppression, heavy-duty wheels with Michelin PAX run-flat tires (like on the Bugatti Veyron), and an attack alarm. Basically, imagine an alarm so loud that it’s meant to repel people using earsplitting volume alone.

I’m sure this would all be more effective before somebody (possibly VPS itself) raised the roof by 4.5 inches. E67s don’t seem to look like this from the factory—a European armored car dealer shows one with a regular roof height. Why it was done beats me, as I don’t know of many NBA stars that live in Persian Gulf states where VPS apparently hopes to sell this car.

Regardless of the roof’s integrity, VPS acknowledges there’s only so much an armored BMW can protect you from. A .30-06, sure, but a JDAM? They won’t even know it was a BMW by the time your hired goons reach your atomized remains. That may be for the best depending on how you feel about Chris Bangle-era BMWs, or about the kind of petro-monarchy princes who ride around in cars like this.

Of course, the former can be addressed by simply buying another of VPS’s many strange armored vehicles. They’ll build them out of anything from a super-stretched Porsche Cayenne to a Chinese-built GMW Tank 500 SUV. I wonder if they’d build me an armored King Kong Cannon if I asked. Then again, imagine trying to get that past U.S. customs. I’d get a cavity search so thorough they couldn’t fail to notice my other King Kong Cannon. Y’know, my little die-cast, which I keep somewhere secret so nobody can find it.

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