The New Beatitudes, by Georgia Garvey

Blessed artwork the millionaires, for 1,000,000 {dollars} doesn’t goeth so far as it used to.

Blessed artwork the governors of Florida and Texas, for they owneth the libs in essentially the most Christlike method doable once they droppeth off determined migrants, ravenous and exhausted, in blue cities for publicity stunts, treating human beings as props in political theater.

Blessed artwork those that are nonetheless posting photos of the pump on the fuel station after they filleth up.

Blessed artwork those that, each time it snows, sarcastically ask, “Whatever occurred to international warming?”

Blessed artwork those that took federal cost safety loans, requested for these loans to be forgiven and now complain about scholar mortgage forgiveness.

Blessed artwork the senators, the congressmen, the radio and TV hosts, the pundits, the LibsofTikTokkers and the tweeters serving on the tradition wars’ entrance traces. For, lo, they do labor for one objective solely, and that’s the betterment of mankind. It hath nothing to do with ebook gross sales, comfortable marketing consultant gigs, talking charges and “presents” from lobbyists.

Blessed artwork the CEOs, the Randian conservatives and the company communications flaks, for it becometh more and more tough to seek out methods to complain about low unemployment charges within the United States.

Blessed artwork the victims of cancel tradition, individuals punished for following their beliefs, until these individuals had been Republican politicians who didn’t imagine the election was stolen, through which case, these RINOs received what was coming to them. People fired for offensive tweets are martyrs of Christ, however lecturers fired for admitting they’re homosexual ought to’ve simply saved their mouths shut.

Blessed artwork those that “Back The Blue” until The Blue are FBI brokers lawfully executing a search warrant.

Blessed artwork the gun-nuts, for “The Prince of Peace” can be a fantastic identify for an assault rifle, and limitless murders of kids are a small value to pay for unimpeded entry to military-grade weaponry.

Blessed artwork those that stated one individual needs to be imprisoned for having non-classified info on a private e-mail server however haven’t any downside with somebody protecting nuclear secrets and techniques in a room at a golf resort.

Blessed artwork those that fervently imagine that somebody ought to make their very own medical selections relating to COVID vaccines and masking, however not relating to being pregnant or gender transition.

Blessed artwork the New Feminists, individuals who would as soon as have referred to as somebody a “hairy-legged trout” for suggesting that something has ever been even barely harder for ladies. But, lo, these New Feminists hath found a burgeoning ardour for reproductive rights, girls’s sports activities and woman-centric language when (and solely when) it considerations transgender points.

Blessed artwork the victims of reverse racism, any white one who suffers a destructive consequence that they believeth ought to as an alternative have been vested upon an individual of coloration.

Blessed artwork the truth-seekers, the red-faced hyperventilators, for they valiantly uncovereth conspiracies about lizard individuals, pizza-parlor satanists and JFK Jr.’s whereabouts. That they occur to even be making tens of millions of {dollars} from the credulous and the fearful is a whole coincidence, and The Lord Our God resents the inference that they artwork vile con males.

Blessed artwork those that oppose federal minimal wage will increase, paid maternity depart, enhancements to veterans’ advantages and well being care subsidies, for now they complaineth about how onerous it’s to get good assist nowadays.

Blessed artwork those that refuse assist to the poor, saying they may at all times be with us, realizing that, subsequently, thou needest really feel no obligation to look after them.

And although thou could also be tempted in any other case — for selfishness and hypocrisy typically are the companions of fame, wealth and different transitory rewards — as an alternative rejoice and be glad if thou artwork not so completely blessed as these sorts of males.

For, actually, it’s these with out these blessings who will inherit the Kingdom of Heaven.

To study extra about Georgia Garvey, go to

Photo credit score: Didgeman at Pixabay

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